“Practicing regular, mindful breathing can be calming and energizing and can even help with stress-related health problems ranging from panic attacks to digestive disorders.”
Andrew Weil, M.D.

Let’s focus on our breath now
Take three deep breaths…
breathing in through your nose, releasing through your mouth…
One…two…three…

I do this constantly. No, really…all the time.

I repeat this in class, in circle, before an intuitive reading, during a hypnosis session & yes, even a reiki session. While I repeat it, I do it myself.

Taking a breath, noticing our breath is one of the most basic and most necessary balancing, connecting & relaxing things we can do. The breath leads us to relaxation, deeper focus and even super-delicious orgasms! Its easy, you can do it anywhere and by God! Its still free!

So why are we still holding our breath?

Habit, perhaps fear or simply the “habit of fear.” Fear of feeling too much, fear of losing control. Fear of having to deal with what we are feeling. Fear of not dealing with what we are feeling. Fear seems to back us into a no-win situation.

Quick check, are you holding it now? Do you breath up high in your chest, shallow breaths…only allowing yourself “oh so much air?” Do you avoid breathing deeply, worried your stomach might stick out? In our image-obsessed society breathing so deeply as to have your diaphragm expand is unseemingly to many.

Sometimes we feel that if we control our breathing we can control our feelings, our thoughts and the truth is yes, we can. The problem is that we aren’t using it correctly. Instead of grounding ourselves and connecting to our mind, body & spirits thru the breath, we are often using shallow breaths to disconnect and escape what we are actually feeling. If you get into a pattern of this you may find a sense of watching yourself from the outside, sometimes a sense of panic and you’ll find that anxiety arises. What’s the solution? Breathe deeply please…now.

Take a moment each day, on the train, at your desk to just breathe low in your belly, allow your eyes to close and observe that feeling. There’s nothing to do but breathe, in and out. That’s it, don’t wait to exhale just breathe…

The Relaxing Breath Exercise recommended by Dr.Weil

This exercise is utterly simple, takes almost no time, requires no equipment and can be done anywhere. Although you can do the exercise in any position, sit with your back straight while learning the exercise. Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise. You will be exhaling through your mouth around your tongue; try pursing your lips slightly if this seems awkward.

* Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
* Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
* Hold your breath for a count of seven.
* Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
* This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

Note that you always inhale quietly through your nose and exhale audibly through your mouth.

The tip of your tongue stays in position the whole time. Exhalation takes twice as long as inhalation. The absolute time you spend on each phase is not important; the ratio of 4:7:8 is important. If you have trouble holding your breath, speed the exercise up but keep to the ratio of 4:7:8 for the three phases. With practice you can slow it all down and get used to inhaling and exhaling more and more deeply.

This exercise is a natural tranquilizer for the nervous system. Unlike tranquilizing drugs, which are often effective when you first take them but then lose their power over time, this exercise is subtle when you first try it but gains in power with repetition and practice. Do it at least twice a day. You cannot do it too frequently. Do not do more than four breaths at one time for the first month of practice. Later, if you wish, you can extend it to eight breaths. If you feel a little lightheaded when you first breathe this way, do not be concerned; it will pass.

Once you develop this technique by practicing it every day, it will be a very useful tool that you will always have with you. Use it whenever anything upsetting happens – before you react. Use it whenever you are aware of internal tension. Use it to help you fall asleep. This exercise cannot be recommended too highly. Everyone can benefit from it.

How does it feel? Please feel free to share : )

Mischievous with half-closed eyes and impish grin
outstretched hand
welcoming me for a joyride…
for a spin
I know your name but with hassles and worries have forgotten
How it is that this love was first begotten

I am touched by that ever-changing entity
the elusive time-altering dream
The freeing form and the tumultous storm
Swirling, twisting, flowing
Flooding the chambers of my heart
Analyzed, understood
Surpassing the thinking mind
Shaping my lips, my thighs
Emerging thru my hands
Connecting on your skin
Magnetic and pulsating
Coiling and uncoiling in our heated dance

I touch you and am touched as by no other
Resplendent and bathed in warm tones of sunshine
Cleansed and awash in divine rain
I am shaken and moved from my comfortable
knowable
Rooted spot
Where birds land and sing their tales
Where ants may build slowly but surely
And life continues day by day…

In this moment
I am simply

Blown away

copyright 2010 Vanessa Codorniu

Para mi primo George, no importa la distancia…solo el amor

My father’s sister, my Tia Blanca passed away last week at the youthful age of 79. She is the lovely dark-haired lady in the picture above with her son, my cousin Larry by her side. My mom and I are to the left of them. Thankful I had seen her in Argentina last October, I lit a candle for her as I prayed and thanked the Universe for our last meeting. It was a true and priceless blessing.

Her twinkly eyes, alive and bright shone passionately as she confessed to me her livelong desire to bellydance. The music had always called her but in her teens and 20s that wasn’t a dance for young, Catholic Argentine women to dance nor was it appropriate for a wife, mother or grandmother as she travelled through life. She told me of stolen moments away from her dad’s disapproving eyes and the freedom she felt as she danced around in her living room to sounds of faraway places that felt like home to her spirit.

I told her how my day’s cares and worries ceased as I stepped onto the wood dance floor. How I am instantaneously transported to a perfect NOW when I dance. There is no yesterday or tomorrow there is only the music flowing through me, emotion in motion and a freedom that is pure joy.

I hugged her and told her of performances, my dance teacher Jannelle in NYC,the Shimmy Sisters, veils, costumes, wings, the pyramids of Egypt and the amazing classes I attended in Cairo taught by male middle eastern dancers! I promised that when I came back to Argentina, we would go watch a live middle eastern dance & music show, she said,” Watch? Oh, no! You and I will dance! A si, Vanessita, vamos a bailar!”

We giggled like school girls and members of a secret society as I shared some of my ipod albums while the rest of the family sat at lunch. I explained the reason that I had decided to live life as fully as possible was because I realized how lucky I was to be born in a time where I have different choices. I’ve always felt a responsibility to my female ancestors to dance because perhaps they couldn’t, to pray in my own way because perhaps they could only do so on bended knee, to express and sing and love on my own terms…perhaps because they could only do so according to their cultural norms.

Tia Blanca was born in Argentina and came to the US as a wife and mother, only to return and make Argentina her permanent home. I was born in Latin America and came to the US in diapers. I had not seen her in a half a lifetime and yet, we were not so different! Wondering why we felt this love for middle eastern music and dance, moved to tears and challenged to express it however we could, we shared our passion and awe that afternoon.

I imagine now, that she is bellydancing in the heavens and that she is eternally youthful and vibrant. I imagine her with her husband Luis who passed away last year and their very real and loving connection. I imagine too when I pass and that those after me will celebrate my life.

For now I welcome each day as a sacred promise to love as much as I can, create as much as I am able and get back to dance class ASAP! When I pass away those left behind can celebrate my life, in the meantime its my birthday month, “Let’s Dance! Yallah! Yallah!”

The first time I saw you
You were a stranger but I felt like I had always known you
Stranger still, the last time I saw you
You were my love but I felt like I had never known you
You are a stranger at last

copyright 2000 Vanessa Codorniu

I allow myself to be present in this moment
I do not clutch this gem, this treasure close to me
For as much as I would try by grasping mind, body and spirit
It is a futile act, one that promises sorrow
Knowing it is like trying to hold running waters in my hand
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment.

I allow the waters to quench my thirst
slip from my lips to skin
Bathe me gently, cleansing me
I step into puddles, smile at the rain, free…present
I allow this moment to exist in my breath
In my being
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment

I remember laying face down in my parent’s house. Face down on my bedroom carpet sobbing. Something that disturbed my young world had happened. Plans to stay at a friend’s had been cancelled. I was filled with anger, sadness and sobbed intensely into my pillow. I laugh now but I know that I sobbed “extra” loud, I wanted them to know how upset I was! Wailing loudly, I remember how those sobs rocked my small ribs until I shook. I exhausted myself and then just lay there. A thought came to me…that while this hurt, well it would pass. An interesting thought, and so I searched my mind for evidence. I laid back on the pillow and while I stared at the ceiling I remembered visiting Argentina and how quickly that had come and gone. I remembered buying a desired book and the delicious feeling of holding it, opening it and beginning to travel through the story.

Closing my eyes, images and feelings flooded me. Amusement parks, getting my favorite doll, waiting for my brother to be born…no matter how good or bad something felt. It moved, it arrived, existed, changed and then left a memory. The fact was that life moved through us, that we sometimes chose to stay stuck but the truth was that whether it was good or not so good…this too shall pass.

As adults we twist ourselves up, thinking we have control…trying to keep ourselves “safe.” We can’t. It’s a futile effort but don’t tell us that! We’re unconsciously trying to keep everything stable…everything unchanging, when the only sure thing is change. I say, we are swimming upstream and don’t we all know what happens to the sweet salmon once they get there. The difference is that they were born to do that, for whatever reason…that is their way. It is not ours.

We can only hope to be, give, decide, chose the best we can in each given moment and the rest we have no control. We will give ourselves insomnia, aches, pains, headaches and indigestion, worrying about the future and doing the remorse dance over the past in our heads. We can get so anxious and worried that we fail to exist in this glorious ever-changing moment.

When we aren’t present, we don’t hear the real conversation, we cannot be fully awake to the new connection or even to the opportunity that may be manifesting in the energy of the moment.

I got up from my wet pillow on the floor and while I knew I’d have to wait to visit my friend, I was ok. Plucking a book from my shelf, Oh yes! a new one! I settled down to a most amazing adventure…savoring the moment.

I allow myself to be present in this moment
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment

I think that for centuries we have been enraptured and completely enamored of the idea of “impossible love”, “unrequited love.” Blame it on courtly love and the poetry-spouting trabadours. Blame it on red hot Mame-don’t get me started on Rita Hayworth’s love life!

Its “Tristan & Iseult”, “Titanic”, “The Bridges of Madison County” and the greatest story ever told (over & over again), its all about the “Fever” and Romeo and Juliet. Sadly though in all these tales…the fever comes to an end.

Many seek their other “half,” their “twin flame.” You can count me in on that sentimental bunch. This other being will fulfill all that we’ve ever dreamed of and more, we will touch the heavens, become Gods if only for those moments that we are engaged with our Beloved. We will taste the sweetest nectar of beauty and truth. The dramatic profound sensation that this other being is the “one and only,” or “the one that got away.”

Who am I to mettle with people’s dreams and secret fantasies…I can only discuss my own experiences and my own thoughts based on observation. Here goes, I’m disrobing and can only hope you’ll respect me in the morning…

The sweet pain, the delicious ache and the passionate yearning to be with that person…ah! Nothing else has ever quite felt like this before! Of course you realize that the very status of “greatness” that is conferred upon that ideal relationship and/or person relies completely and exclusively on the fact that the relationship cannot be or the person is not

“brave/mature/deep/strong/unattached/unmarried ENOUGH

(fill in the blanks with your favorite word…I mean excuse)

or plain…”just too scared”…to follow through. In order for this relationship/person to be the special one there must be an ingredient of immaturity or non-commitment. So we the enraptured romantics hold on for this “special” person who takes on magnetic even mythic characteristics within our tortured hearts and beleaguered psyches. Unfortunately, we don’t get to be with these “soul mates” nor do we free our hearts to love another because after all…how can the sleep encrusted eyes of someone who gets up to throw out the trash and changes your kid’s diapers ever compare to the moist desirous eyes of the lover who just couldn’t get it together enough to love you completely? Hmmmm…THINK about it.

Well, I’m here to call your bluff. Yes, all you unrequited lovers hear me out.

You have plunged into one night stands and drunken fests as you thought only of HER lips or grimaced through date after boring date because “no one can make you laugh like HIM.” Or you’ve been celibate for about 5 years and ready to create your own religion as his picture sits on your altar till this day!

I’m here to say… you’ve played it safe. You’ve hidden behind the weak. You bet on the wrong horse BECAUSE YOU KNEW HE/SHE WOULD LOSE! Yes, my beloved romantic colleagues you…YOU…are the cowardly ones! Don’t hate me, I’m one of you and I didn’t do it consciously I swear.

You have picked someone who would ultimately let you down….so you could be this unfulfilled romantic. Basically so you wouldn’t really have to deal with the realities of love. I guess it’s so much nicer to fantasize huh? It’s so much nicer to go without, to ache, to miss one who will never be yours? NOT.

Okay, so before you stop reading and delete me with disgust. Read on. How many of us seekers would be able to step up if the love of our lives showed up? RIGHT NOW. HERE . In your face? Would you even be able to recognize them? Would you want to? Ummmm…I hear “well I need some time, I need to think about it…I need to…I need to…”

I need to get a GRIP. Yes, I get you and I understand. You’ve been hurt, you’ve been lied to, they’ve done a brazilian samba on the pieces of your shattered heart, you may have been cheated on and maybe even just plain left…from one day to the next without explanation. You may have had to do the leaving. You may have gone through so much you’re afraid to expect too much. Basically, at this point, if life is like a box of chocolates…you just hope the filling will taste good. Even if only for today. You may just be willing to live for a momentary satisfaction… can I blame you?

In truth we don’t know how long we have anyway. While I can’t blame you and I understand that life is temporary…why settle? Why settle for a fantasy, a drink and just momentary stimulation? All I’m saying is look deeper at the “whys” of your life and the “hows.” Figure out the “what (what you truly truly want if you could but dream alittle dream)” and set your intentions.

When we love we place another’s needs/wants at the same level as ours…and often we place them above ourselves. At the heart of it, is self-love. Loving ourselves enough to know what is serving us and what is not. Loving ourselves enough to understand that perhaps its better to be alone than in draining or disappearing company. Loving ourselves enough that we face that love doesn’t have to be THAT HARD. We don’t have to run the romantic obstacle course so often. We have to acknowledge that we deserve the best: honesty, kindness, fun, laughs, commitment and mutual caring.

Listen, we the unrecovered romantics often have this psychological need to save someone, need to prove that we are the chivalrous few that are still brave enough to love forever even in the face of insurmountable odds ie…their fears, their religions, their ex’s, their kids, their parents, their childhood traumas, their issues…someone stop me I could go on forever.

Is something wrong with this picture? It’s all about THEM. Why is that? Why do we sacrifice our time, our love and our dedication? Will the pay-off, if it ever arrives be good enough? Or is the pay-off the actual sacrifices we make? Are we “getting off” on NOT getting what we want?

If someone showed up who had all their own baggage as we humans tend to but was willing to deal with it and with yours and live and love you fully? Could you do it? Take a moment.

Could you do it?

Or would you sabotage it? Would you compare, dismember and disregard them? Would you turn away every time their eyes mirrored some unacceptable reality that doesn’t fulfill your romantic ideals? Would you pick them apart until there was nothing left? Would you take them for granted because they are so “available?” Until you met the next “unavailable/inappropriate” one that would snare your unsuspecting frightened heart?

I’ve left some of the men I’ve loved. It was tragic, sad. We cried under witnessing full moons, held each other into dusky dawns…our last moments together or until the next time we would rush into each others arms and swear eternal love. While emotionally there was a promise of a future, in the morning I walked away with a heavy heart but with easy breath. I was free, tortured but free.

There would never be in-laws to meet, babies to name, joint laundry to wash or even bills to share. We were young, ardent and mesmerized. I had reasons, and they were valid ones, “19 is too young to marry, I want to find out who I am before marriage & commitment,” etc. As time marched on, I figured out more or less who I was and who I was becoming. I grew less afraid and was willing to engage in more serious relationships but guess what? They were non-committal types…and the angst ensued. Of course I didn’t completely know that at the time but err….there were hints. Was I forever to leave my Beloved or struggle to hang in there until they were ready? I really was living a no-win situation.

I’m a risk-taker by nature. I’d rather do, than not. To think of never loving again is akin to death and who wants to rush the unavoidable? Loving is life at its best yet I’ve realized now through two decades of infatuations, true love and sacrifice that perhaps I’ve had a part in my own pain.

We can’t knock the roads we’ve taken because all roads lead to ourselves, our true path if we are brave enough to look. I am thankful for all I have lived and pray for the wisdom to create and accept a better love and thus a better life.

My biggest heartache took me for surprise several years ago. Yes, I knew his history and his patterns but I thought we were different, I thought our love was so great it could conquer all. Amor Vincit Ominia. As I found myself calling off my wedding two months prior due to an infidelity, I realized that I had hit bottom. Some said I was brave and strong for suspending the nuptials after 6 and a half years of a tumultuous relationship. I felt I had no choice.

Humiliating, insulting, disappointing, words cannot describe the immense pain and chaos I felt descended upon me. But in this earthly laboratory called LIFE, I had a spiritual alchemical reaction.

It went something like this,” Do you know who you are? Do you know what you deserve?”

Yes… was my tearful answer. “Good, so cut the bullshit.” I can’t say that my spiritual guides are always the understanding sort but you get my point. In that very moment where everything I thought I had and would have disappeared…a clear picture of myself arose. I realized that I loved myself and that my primary responsibility was to honor myself, my ideals and my dreams. Strong, loving, intelligent, sensual, passionate, loyal and creative… I was a woman to be contended with and not merely here on earth to settle for less. If I was a woman then I truly deserved a man, an honest and loyal one.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that full moons, rainy nights, candlit talks till dawn and “I love you’s” in the quiet of the night aren’t hot. They are. Very. It makes life juicy.

Now that I’m recovering I want romance in everyday life, I want counseling so Romeo lives, I want to marry him and write him poetry even in our eighties. I don’t want to talk in hushed tones with my girlfriends about “ the one that got away.”

I want the glow in my skin and the ease in my walk to speak for me and the peace I feel with the man I love. Yes, peace. Peace, entwined with passion and an understanding that we are individual’s choosing to share a joint journey. I don’t want to feel heroic because once-upon-a-time I loved someone to pieces. No, I want to meet the challenges of keeping love alive each day. I want to be the everyday Hero of love that is not judged for one grand moment but for moments strung together to create the masterpiece of a lifetime. A lifetime, Yes…commitment-phobes I feel you quivering. Read on.

Choosing to love the same person, courageously, joyously and passionately. Of course, nothing is perfect and the rough times will come but knowing that we will get through them and keep loving is what I am seeking. I want in-laws to meet, I want babies to name, laundry for more than one and bills to share.

At the end of the fairytale where the Prince wins the Princess there is a subtitle that reads, “and they lived happily ever after.” Now wouldn’t that be a very grand story to tell? That’s hot.

That’s what I’m talking about.